Pregnancy lasts between nine and ten months, and during that time, it changes your body, your emotions, and your capacity.
Yet the expectation, particularly in our modern world, is that women will continue doing everything they were already doing – whether it’s their first child or their next – and somehow be pregnant at the same time.
Women take on these expectations without really thinking about what they might actually need themselves. Though pregnancy can be the time when you decide that you need help in order to secure this pregnancy, to look after yourself more, to maintain your well-being – and in doing so, maintain the well-being of your growing baby.
The more supported you are, the healthier you are. A higher level of support is directly linked to better health for you, which in turn increases the likelihood of a healthy baby. To achieve this positive outcome, accepting assistance is essential.
Why Pregnancy Increases the Emotional Load
Women and girls are primed from a young age to meet the needs of others. We’re not expected to voice our own needs or to expect others to fulfil them. These ingrained reflexes are already stirred into the upbringing of a girl into a woman.
By the time she falls pregnant, she may not even realise she can ask for help.
If you’re not used to asking for help, you’ll be left carrying all of the load when it comes to looking after yourself and your baby. You need the physical, emotional, and mental support of your partner, and if you don’t know how to ask for it, you will need to learn how or it will put you at a severe disadvantage in bringing up your baby in an equitable home and environment.
Women who don’t know how to ask for help from their partners, friends, or family members risk becoming resentful. Of developing anxiety or depression. Or becoming martyrs who resent others while thinking, “I have to do this because everyone expects me to do this, yet nobody helps me or appreciates me.”
You want to avoid becoming that version of your mother if that’s what she became.
How Guilt Disrupts Rest
Pregnancy offers a valuable opportunity for self-reflection. Ask yourself:
- Do you struggle to ask for and accept help?
- If so, what is the root cause? How can you begin to change this pattern?
Instead of overextending yourself with countless tasks, why not prioritise your own rest and nurturing your own well-being and that of your baby too?
Consider these questions:
- Do you believe you are worthy of receiving support?
- Do you feel capable of asking for help when you need it?
If you answered no to either of these, it’s time to explore ways to shift that perspective.
Healthy Receiving
Healthy receiving involves clearly and directly asking for what you need or want, without using apologetic language.
Examine Your Language:
Notice how you typically phrase requests. Women often use softer language, such as, “I would like you to help me with this.” In contrast, men frequently adopt a more direct approach: “I want you to help me with this.”
Practice Directness:
While “I would like” is acceptable, challenge yourself to practice using “I want” and observe how that feels and sounds. There is a quiet power in the statement, “I want – you to help me with this.” “Can you help me”?
Consider the Impact:
Think about which phrasing is more direct, more powerful, and ultimately more likely to achieve the outcome you need.
For example, if your baby needs a nappy change, consider the difference between saying, “I would like you to change it,” and “I want you to change the nappy.” “Can you change baby’s nappy”? The latter two are more direct and helpful in resolving the situation quickly.
Healthy receiving means:
- Asking for what you need and want
- Not using apologetic language
- Being simple and direct
- Noticing when you start apologising and wondering why
Examine these internal thought processes:
- Who is the person you are communicating with?
- Do you feel you are not deserving of what you are requesting?
- Is there another barrier you haven’t identified yet?
Analysing how you ask for help, whether it comes easily or not, is crucial to getting the right help you need. Understanding this can help you improve your ability to seek and receive support, not just during pregnancy, but across all areas of your life: with friends, family, and in your professional environment.
Ready to Practise Asking?
If this resonates and you need support with learning to ask for what you need, book a discovery call. Sometimes the act of saying “I need help” – out loud to someone who understands is exactly where you start.