We change as the seasons change and your daughter follows the same shifting patterns. There is a natural withdrawal to cool down our external busyness from summer to autumn. Summer is that season of outward energy, focused on activity, being seen and heard, and spending time outdoors with friends. It’s fast-moving, action-oriented, and thrives on the openness that warm weather provides.
As we move into autumn, there’s a shift – a very clear shift in the season from being outward focused to becoming inwardly attuned. There’s a softening of that energetic output, if you like. It’s a very natural turn to becoming more inward.
For your daughter, this also means shifting away from being with friends in the same way as before. Choosing to say no perhaps to some activities. Choosing to be indoors. And choosing to be with herself and focusing on learning to read what her needs are.
Early Signs of Withdrawal in Your Daughter (Her “Wintering” Phase)
You might observe your daughter:
- Finding time to be on her own more
- Moving away from family engagement
- Not wanting to be as involved, even with you
- Not listening to your ideas or being as enthusiastic to spend time together
- Her body language shows she wants space
What does she actually need right now
As the days shorten and the weather grows colder, a common drop in mood and energy is often observed. This seasonal change, however, can trigger a noticeable withdrawal in teenage girls.
What essential support, then, do teen girls require when they begin to withdraw as the seasons shift?
- More sleep and rest: Her body has worked hard through summer’s activity. Autumn is the time for restoration. She might need 9-10 hours of sleep, not the 7-8 she got away with in summer. Let her sleep in on weekends. Avoid scheduling early morning activities if possible.
- Different kinds of social time: Summer is about large groups, parties, being out and about. Autumn calls for intimate connection – one or two close friends, deeper conversations, less performance. She might turn down group activities but still want time with her best friend. That’s healthy.
- Creative solitude: Time alone in her room isn’t necessarily avoidance from you. She might be drawing, writing, listening to music, processing her internal world. This creative solitude is where she works out who she’s becoming. Leave her be and avoid interruptions unless necessary.
- Space to process emotions privately: Teenage girls feel things intensely. Autumn’s inward turn gives her room to process without an audience. She might cry, journal, sit and process difficult feelings. She needs to know this is normal and acceptable.
- Managing hormonal and cycle changes. If her period is becoming more established, she’s learning how her cycle affects her energy, mood, and social needs. Autumn’s slower pace helps her tune into these patterns. Support her in tracking what she notices.
- Less performance, more authenticity: Summer often demands constant social performance and attention – looking right, acting right, being “on.” Autumn allows permission to be just herself. Messy hair. No makeup. Comfortable clothes. Honest feelings. Let her have this.
Supporting her autonomy
This is really important – and not take her withdrawal as a personal rejection of you. Initially, yes, it might feel that way. But it’s actually your daughter honouring her own needs. And that may mean she shuts the door gently but firmly. “I choose to be on my own with my own thoughts and my own space to discover what I need.”
So take a breath when that happens and remind yourself, your daughter is doing exactly what she needs. Remind yourself what you were like as a teenager, what you wanted and didn’t get, and how you can now honour your daughter’s needs in a more responsive and intuitive way that may not have happened for you. Nothing like hindsight to feed new understanding!
So take a breath, smile at her closed door and allow this new spaciousness to unfold.
Lead by Example & Model
As you listen to, respect, and act on your own needs, you model this for your daughter. She gets clear permission: “Ah, that’s how it works.” She learns to put that into action for herself. “My needs do matter. I can honour them.”
If you respect and support (honour for short) your own seasonal shifts, choosing rest over busyness, saying no to commitments that drain you, and creating space for your own inward turn, she learns this is not just acceptable but necessary.
Your daughter’s withdrawal is a natural response to seasonal change and her developing autonomy. Support it. Respect it. And watch her learn to trust her own rhythms.