This is a critical topic to discuss: falling back in love with your changing body during menopause. This is an extraordinary shifting season.
The objective here is to help empower midlife women to see this shift as a liberation, not as loss. To look at cultural myths that keep women stuck in the old paradigm and narrative of getting old, getting wasted, getting devalued, losing your sense of self, your future – seeming to disappear fast with no reward or sense of appreciation to look towards.
It’s also about listening to your body’s new needs, as it’s shifting into a different phase of your life.
As you begin to recognise and accept these changes, you can celebrate this second bloom – because it brings much more than you might think and what we’re culturally led to expect.
The cultural myths
Let’s look at the cultural myths about menopause, which tends to happen around the early 50s. The average age is likely 50-54, though some women experience earlier menopause.
The societal take on it is that women are near the end of their productive, creative, and fertile lives. They fall into what’s often called the sandwich generation – going through menopause while mothering adolescent children who are also going through their own puberty changes, and likely also looking after aging parents.
Not a very comfortable generation, beset by endless demands to attend to other people’s needs.
What’s actually happening in your body
When a woman goes through menopause – in fact, when she’s going through perimenopause – she will already be experiencing various physical changes.
Common Physical Changes:
- Temperature Regulation: Experiencing hot flushes and difficulty regulating body temperature.
- Body Composition: Changes in metabolism and a reduction in muscle mass.
- Weight Redistribution: Fat may begin to accumulate around the hips and belly in ways not previously experienced.
- Skin Health: Skin may become thinner, drier, and a looser tone due to decreased estrogen.
- Energy and Sleep: Shifts in energy levels, including sudden fatigue, and disrupted sleep patterns are common.
- Pelvic Health: The pelvic floor muscles may weaken, and a reduction in vaginal wall tone can lead to less satisfying sexual activity and incontinence laxity.
These are the typical physical changes a woman may notice as she progresses through perimenopause and enters menopause.
The liberation of changing hormones
The most obvious thing about perimenopause is that women’s hormones change and in particular, her body makes less estrogen. This is a liberating fact of life. Estrogen, we now know, is the availability hormone. When she makes less estrogen, she becomes less emotionally available to others in the social, work and familial circles she usually inhabits, because she has less of this hormone that’s interested in wanting to be available to others.
A woman starts to find her voice and says what she needs to say. Not that she gives people the bird or becomes disrespectful, but she starts to find her own space more compelling. She wants to be better able to say no to others and assert her boundaries, reclaiming a space she has not had in decades.
A woman starts to discover her body is her own
After many decades of it not being like that. Wearing multiple hats in having a family with children or not. Wearing herself out looking after others, appeasing them, satisfying them, and coming off second best in the equation of care.
This second bloom is a season where a woman sees the writing on the wall and thinks: if she doesn’t get cracking on what she wants to achieve for herself, she will be an unhappy, unfulfilled, grumpy old woman. She wants more for herself than regret and dissatisfaction.
Sex in your 50s
This is a very interesting question. As a woman gets older, she may be less interested in consensual sex with a partner, but she may actually be more excited about solo sexual pleasure. Being able to pleasure herself. This is exploring her boundaries and discovering that she can meet her own needs in ways she may not have done before.
Consider this another way of celebrating the second bloom of her sexuality.
Listening to her body’s needs
This is a time for her to re-evaluate her needs and desires. What does her changing body require now? This may include a shift in exercise, perhaps trading yin yoga for a hiking group or weight training at the gym, seeking out activities that activate and motivate her. She can now focus on hobbies she may have set aside while raising children and reclaim them.
This period is often marked by a desire for more self-care, time out, and special retreats, as she examines what her emotional self, her body, her spiritual needs, and she as a whole may need to be nourished.
Celebrating the second bloom
As a woman enters her 50s and beyond, she seeks to embrace this next chapter of her life by overcoming cultural myths. She recognises that a significant amount of life still lies ahead and desires to live it on her own terms. While continuing her roles as a parent and a caring daughter to aging parents, she is ready to prioritise her own fulfilment.
This new phase creates opportunities for creativity, such as resuming sidelined projects or starting new ones, such as painting, drawing, or writing. It is also a time to dedicate or set aside time for physical pursuits she is now able to enjoy or intends to enjoy.
Working with this transition
If you’re struggling with any of this, that’s when you could seek support. I work with women through the Shifting Bloom stage, helping you navigate this transition, reclaim your boundaries, and discover what this second bloom means for you. Book a discovery call and we can talk about putting you on the path you’d like to be on.