Autumn is the season of letting go. Trees shed their bark in long, dramatic strips, revealing the fresh trunk underneath that looks vulnerable but isn’t. Flowers that bloomed brilliantly all summer die back, contracting their spent energy into pods for restoration and the next season of renewal.
Nothing showy happening on the outside. All the work happening internally, deep in the earth or buried deep inside the tree heart, just like you.
And like those trees, you in the autumn of menopause get to shed your bark – the extraneous clutter, the unnecessary attachments, and the knotty obligations that no longer serve who you’re becoming.
This is menopause. A shedding season. A time to release what no longer fits and a time to celebrate letting go.
Why this shedding matters
For decades, you’ve been adding things to your long list of duties and requirements of being a woman. Obligations. Identities. Roles you stepped into because someone needed you to. Mother, partner, daughter, caregiver, employee, boss woman. The accommodating one. The reliable one. The one who keeps everything running.
You have prioritised everyone else. Your children first, partner second, aging parents. Your career. Your body came last, if it made the list at all.
This all worked when you had the oestrogen to sustain it. Oestrogen is now recognised as the accommodation hormone – it makes you available, willing to put others first, able to stretch yourself thin without breaking, too much.
But now you’re making less of it. And what used to feel manageable really feels too much. Your window of generosity is slowly closing and the old way of being available doesn’t fit anymore.
What emotional shedding looks like
You might find yourself:
- Resenting obligations you used to accept without question
- Feeling irritated by demands on your time and energy
- No longer willing to smooth over conflict or manage everyone’s emotions
- Less interested in keeping the peace at the cost of your own needs
- Questioning commitments you made years ago that no longer serve you
This is the new you that is questioning all this obligation stuff. This is your whole self telling you something needs to change.
This emotional shedding happens whether you consciously choose it or not. The irritation, resentment and withdrawal are all healthy and timely signs that the old bark is coming loose.
Old identities that no longer fit are starting to fall away. “Watch out below – timber falling!”, could be your new call!
Midlife boundaries
Early in life, your boundaries were more porous. As a new mother and as a young partner, you gave freely and willingly. That generosity was necessary and appropriate.
But porous boundaries over decades usually lead to a sorry state of depletion. And the old story of giving more than you’re taking is showing up more and more. Menopause is your golden opportunity to reconstruct what you want your new boundaries to look like.
What does this actually mean
Top of the list is to say yes to yourself first. Not occasionally and not when everyone else’s needs are met. But a resounding, I come first.
The word ‘selfish’ needs to be sidelined here as that has never been the issue. More a need to recognise that if your own needs aren’t met, you have nothing genuine in the tank to give to others.
Before saying yes to anything, check with yourself:
- Does my gut say yes, no, or maybe?
- Do I actually want to do this, or am I avoiding conflict by agreeing?
- What will this cost me in energy, time, peace?
- Can I genuinely give this, or will I resent it later?
If there’s any doubt, the answer is “Let me think about it” or simply “No.”
Reordering your life
The shedding season provides an introspective window to look at what you’re carrying and ask:
- Does this still work for me?
- Does this serve who I’m wanting to become?
Of course, some things will stay as they are, like your necessary commitments and relationships that nourish you and work that matters. But much of what you’ve been carrying – obligations born from guilt, identities that no longer fit, and the endless accommodation of all of that – can fall away like bark from a tree.
What’s underneath might look fragile at first, feel unfamiliar or uncomfortable.
But the heart of it is anything but fragile, as your old self sheds the done parts and starts showing off the fresh restoration and growth underneath.
Working with the season
Your body is already doing this work, consciously or unconsciously. The question is whether you’ll work with it or against it. Will you allow this shedding of identity to happen, or will you try to hold onto everything that’s loosening?
If you’re struggling to let go of old obligations and identities, or finding it difficult to establish the boundaries this season requires, I work with women through the Shifting Bloom stage.
We look at what needs to fall away, what boundaries need strengthening, and how to build a life that actually fits who you’re becoming. Book a discovery call to explore what this shedding season means for you.