Self-compassion is really an extension of self-belonging. Coming home to yourself. Identifying what you need and how to ask for it. And then – this is the important part – how to receive it.
Bodywork does this beautifully. It asks that you simply allow yourself to be still, to breathe, to be comfortable in your body, and to allow another person to offer you bodywork that’s right for you in that moment.
The whole idea here is self-compassion, which is a big part of “giving back to yourself” and really finding that sense of self-belonging. Think of self-compassion as the ultimate way to “come home to yourself.” It’s about actually seeing what you need, getting comfortable with asking for it, and – the hardest part – letting yourself have it.
Things like getting a massage or other bodywork are perfect ways to practice this. It gives you a dedicated space to just chill, focus on your breathing, feel okay in your own skin, and actually accept someone else’s healing touch.
Why touch matters
A woman in her role as a mother is constantly holding and touching her children. Pointing at things that need to be pointed out. Feeding children. Changing children. Constantly holding small children, carrying them, holding their hands, directing them here and there, feeding them, dressing them, restraining them from harm’s way.
Touch becomes a primary means of reading the world and being in the world.
And women quite comfortably and often use that expression: “I’m all touched out.” It relates directly back to the over-efforting of having to be the primary source, if you like, of nurturing children and others. Women tend to have the lion’s share in that particular area.
So touch matters when women are able to give themselves permission to let their guard down and receive bodywork that nourishes them. It’s a form of giving and receiving back.
Where women hold stress
Let’s just call it stress and keep it simple. Or areas of tension. Neck and shoulders are common areas. Back. Lower back. All of those areas.
Women carry the load for emotional stress, for managing home, for keeping everybody together, for reading the emotional tone in the room, for providing the space of nurturing and nourishment. All of that takes its toll.
The belly is another area women often hold stress. The belly can become a guarded area that a woman can be quite ashamed of after she’s had babies – not liking the looseness of her belly or the fullness that she’s never been able to fully get rid of. That extra bit of tummy that stays. Learning to be comfortable with her body, her body that has grown a baby or two, and the extra layer that’s the consequence of that process.
And, if there’s a lot of stress in a woman’s life, it shows up in the state of her organs and her digestive system. The small intestine where things are just not digested well if a woman is overly anxious, overly busy, there will be an interrupted flow of her digestive system and her elimination system as well. Things will not empty or flow as easily as they could because stress interrupts the flow of a lot of things, in the physical body and in the nervous system.
In order to receive
There has to be a willingness to let go. In that willingness to let go, it creates the space to allow another person in and to receive whatever it is they’re giving you.
Within this respectful space, there’s a gentle intimacy in allowing somebody to work with your body, to recognise these areas that need attention.
Simple practices
To practice self-compassion through touch (bodywork), consider simple activities like walking, taking time to rest (not just “playing hooky”), stretching, lying in the sun, or arching your back to appreciate the grace and function of your body. These are gentle ways to acknowledge and appreciate what your body does for you constantly.
Additionally, make sure to book yourself a professional treatment. Receiving touch, whether it’s lymphatic drainage, remedial massage, energy healing, or another beneficial therapy, allows you to fully accept and appreciate your physical self. This act of simply receiving grants you permission to honour your body for its tireless, 24/7 service. Sink into that appreciation and truly enjoy the treatment.
The freedom of expert hands
There’s something quite freeing about putting yourself in the hands of another person – a trained person, a professional person who does this as a job – and allowing yourself to be guided by what their experience tells them about you.
This process of being “worked on” – having your muscles kneaded and receiving feedback on your posture – can highlight underlying issues.
They might gently point out how long hours at a computer, a specific way of sitting, or crossing your legs is contributing to a sore hip or neck tension. These observations are delivered with kindness and respect, aiming for correction and relief.
Bodywork is a purely focused, in-the-moment treatment designed to release physical tension. A wonderful benefit is the suggestions offered for maintaining the positive effects long after you leave the session.
The Afterglow of Care
A delightful sense of pleasure often follows a bodywork treatment. This “afterglow” stays with you, reinforcing the importance of finding pleasure in caring for your body in the most beneficial way possible. This feeling is a clear reward and a profound act of self-compassion, as you consciously allowed yourself to receive this care.
The Power of Touch
My bodywork with women focuses on understanding the connection between physical patterns and emotional holding. If you are ready to lower your guard, receive this kind of care, and be nourished through touch, please reach out to book a session.